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Flat Russ comes to visit!

October 5, 2012

Dear Russ,

I bet you’ve been wondering what Flat Russ has been up to since you stuffed him in an envelope and sent him across the country to start his big trip!

His first few days in Georgia with Amy and me were not very exciting. The first day, he felt bad because of the time change and he’d been cooped up in the envelope for a while. California is a long way from Atlanta. We let him rest. The next few days, he helped around the yard and garden. We have three chickens and five garden boxes of vegetables growing in the yard. Flat Russ helped to feed the chickens and he pulled some of the weeds in the carrot patch.

Then, I had to go to work, and I brought Flat Russ along for the trip. He wasn’t happy when I woke him at 5:20 in the morning. That’s 2:20 in your time zone! We started in Atlanta, and once we got to the airplane, I let Flat Russ out of his envelope. WOW, did his eyes get big when he saw where he was.


Here is Flat Russ, checking out the CRJ-200 that we’re about to fly for the next few days. While passengers often gripe about its small size, he says it’s much roomier than his envelope.

Did I mention that I’m an airline pilot? Flat Russ sat up front with me, and we flew from Atlanta to Columbus, Georgia, where the Army Rangers train. Several of the soldiers were on our plane, and Flat Russ liked their camouflage.  He says he would like to be a soldier if the Army ever starts letting flat people join.

On the flight back to Atlanta, I sat Flat Russ up on top of the instrument panel, right by the front windows. The view there is the best! We nearly hit a string of four Canadian Geese who flew out in front of us on takeoff. We dodged each other just in time though. Being flat sure makes it hard for Flat Russ to yell, but he pointed the birds out as soon as he saw them.

We passed through Atlanta, and then flew out to Columbus, Mississippi on the next flight. This Columbus is where the Air Force trains a lot of their fighter pilots. In fact, one of their training jets had blown up its engine, and the mechanics were fixing it not far from where we parked. Flat Russ and I stayed out of their way and let them work. Then, we flew back to Atlanta.

Our last flight of the day was to Lafayette, Louisiana.  Lafayette is in Bayou country and I had a hard time understanding what the nice people at the hotel tried to tell us. Flat Russ is a good listener, and even he didn’t know what they said. We checked into our rooms, and then we went to dinner. On the way, we crossed the Vermillion Bayou. Flat Russ wanted to pet an alligator, but we couldn’t find one.

Flat Russ wanted a hamburger, so we went to Whataburger. Whataburger is kind of like In-and-Out Burger, and Russ stole a bite of my onion rings when I wasn’t looking. He must have been hungry!

The next morning, we fired up the jet and went back to Atlanta, then on to Newport News, Virginia, and Tallahassee, Florida. Over the next few days, we also flew to Monroe, Louisiana, which is where Delta Air Lines began, and also to Asheville, North Carolina, Chattanooga, Tennessee and Shreveport, Louisiana. Everywhere we went, people complimented Flat Russ on his great behavior, sharp listening skills and his politeness. He said this part of the country is beautiful and that he likes the way people talk here.

When he gets home in May, he will teach you how to cook grits and to say “Y’all,” in its proper context.

Thank you for sending Flat Russ to visit. We had a fun time together and he is welcome back any time.


Pasturepilot (and Amy1N)

Atlanta, Georgia.


See Flat Russ slaving away in the garden? No, I don’t either. I think he went inside with Amy for some lunch. He did good work, though.


Flat Russ quickly learned that the airlines don’t run so much on Jet Fuel as they do caffeine, cheap food and powerful coffee. I had to help him read the flight plan, but he helped me program the navigation computers.


In Columbus, Mississippi, we got to watch mechanics change the engine in this jet that fighter pilots use for training.


Flat Russ got the Flintstones’ reference in this approach plate for Atlanta. YABBA DABBA DOOOOOH!


In Lafayette, Louisiana, we got to check out the Bayou Vermillion.


Here’s another view of Lafayette’s Bayou Vermillion. We tried to find an alligator to wrestle, but the stars from “Swamp People” had already cleaned the place up.


Rather than eat at the hotel, we took a little walk on one of the overnights. Here, we waited patiently for hamburgers at Whataburger. They were tasty, but Flat Russ said they’re not as good as In-And-Out burger.



Flat Russ did, however, enjoy the onion rings.


On the left is Lake Ponchatrain, the squiggle is the Mississippi River and the lights are the city of New Orleans on an early Sunday morning.


We tried five flavors of frozen yogurt. The white chocolate chip macadamia nut was our favorite!

One Comment leave one →
  1. November 3, 2012 10:04 PM

    Nice PasturePilot! Flat Russ sure seems like one straight dude who likes a lot of fiber. Sure glad ya’ll find some time together.

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